Turns out that now whenever you type in my SSN and run it through "Chex systems" account verification service, it comes up with a big report saying that Bank One has terminated my account for "Account Abuse".
Bank One, you charge me almost $150 in bank fees because of debits you accepted despite my account balance being negative, and call me abusive? Fuck you. I'll be contacting the address printed on this report tomorrow and discussing it with you civilly, but account abuse? That's harsh.
Anyway, proving they're the great bank they are, National City opened my savings account anyway because I have maintained a checking account there with no problems for almost 6 months now. I highly recommend National City to my friends and family who are looking for a bank.