Today I grabbed a CD from my collection that I had burned for when I was taking a trip on a plane. That would be a year ago in 15 days. The plane trip was my first day at my current job. They flew me out to Los Angeles for my first day to help a data center build out. I remember not knowing what to expect from this job. Partly because I didn't ask many questions because the alternative was being unemployed, and partially because I watched the previous year of my work evaporate into thin air as the .com I was working for went out of business. Being in the unique position I was to see that we weren't making any money, and were in fact bleeding cash (not to mention our CEO was a complete mindfuck), I wasn't surprised when I was laid off like some of my peers in other companies around that time that were going down in flames, I knew a few weeks in advance because I was good friends with the President of the company. Some of my co-workers weren't so lucky, and I didn't have the guts to tell them it was coming privately.
Anyway, I remembered the fun, the optimism of the internet boom. Ever since then I have been cynical that the company I was working for would actually succeed. My cynicism was baseless to begin with, but it's hard not to be after reading about hundreds of people that could be you being laid off, companies shutting down,etc. I realized that what's missing in my life was optimism for the future. After hearing some very positive news about my company earlier this week, and realizing that that has been what is missing, I feel a lot better. More energetic and happy, perhaps. I realized I didn't have to live in fear of the axe as I did before, and can enjoy the benefits of a company that can not only burn cash, but can also pay its bills.